Home again, and busy with a project
After spending two months in Colorado Springs and realizing that my life just didn't fit there anymore, I called David and asked him if I should come home. After many tears from both sides, we decided it was the best thing to do. And I swear, this is the last g-d time I'm boarding a plane to go back to Colorado or anywhere in an attempt to run away from who I am, and the man I love.
Problems are present in any relationship in life, whether it's parent-to-child, sibling-to-sibling, or lover-to-lover. I feel I have to stay with my problems, or they will overcome me. At least, that's what I've allowed them to do thus far. I'm coming to accept my place in life. Right now, that place is as David's househusband. As his partner, not his "image creator" or his "life reshaper". It's been painful to learn this. As an adult child of alcoholism, I've had the need to control and try to change everything in my path. Now I know that I just have to let it be as it is and accept it. If something can be changed, and those things are usually about me, then I take the time to look at them, give them my energy, and begin the re-evaluation process.
This is my life. No one else has to live it. No one else can live it. I have to be gentle on myself and loving, and if change--as suggested by others--is masochistic, at least in my mind at the time, then it's abusive and damaging. I am who I am, and I will not live to please another person simply to make them comfortable with their beliefs. How can I live a lie and feel at peace?
As a means of bringing peace into my life, and into the lives of many others affected by the loss of United Airlines flight 93, I am working closely with an actor in the United Kingdom who starred in the movie United 93. He and I are requesting autographs of every cast member we can contact, and the director, Paul Greengrass, to be inscribed on a shooting script for the film. Once this process is complete, the book will be donated to the Flight 93 National Memorial in Pennsylvania. Surprisingly, several other cast members are taking an active role in this effort. It is very important to me, but more important to the memory of those we lost, that this signature collection and script donation be completed.
Problems are present in any relationship in life, whether it's parent-to-child, sibling-to-sibling, or lover-to-lover. I feel I have to stay with my problems, or they will overcome me. At least, that's what I've allowed them to do thus far. I'm coming to accept my place in life. Right now, that place is as David's househusband. As his partner, not his "image creator" or his "life reshaper". It's been painful to learn this. As an adult child of alcoholism, I've had the need to control and try to change everything in my path. Now I know that I just have to let it be as it is and accept it. If something can be changed, and those things are usually about me, then I take the time to look at them, give them my energy, and begin the re-evaluation process.
This is my life. No one else has to live it. No one else can live it. I have to be gentle on myself and loving, and if change--as suggested by others--is masochistic, at least in my mind at the time, then it's abusive and damaging. I am who I am, and I will not live to please another person simply to make them comfortable with their beliefs. How can I live a lie and feel at peace?
As a means of bringing peace into my life, and into the lives of many others affected by the loss of United Airlines flight 93, I am working closely with an actor in the United Kingdom who starred in the movie United 93. He and I are requesting autographs of every cast member we can contact, and the director, Paul Greengrass, to be inscribed on a shooting script for the film. Once this process is complete, the book will be donated to the Flight 93 National Memorial in Pennsylvania. Surprisingly, several other cast members are taking an active role in this effort. It is very important to me, but more important to the memory of those we lost, that this signature collection and script donation be completed.
reflective